you remind me of you
by expressionalism
Summary: he reminds her of something undefinable


1.  
"Did you love me?" she asks him, and she doesn't know why. She's pretty sure she knows the answer. The answer is no, because he's Puck. Puck doesn't love anybody but himself. He used her and she let him and the only reason he's even still around is because he feels guilty and pities her. She hates the feeling of someone else's pity, she knows it too well. She turns her gaze from their daughter that she knows that after today, she'll never see again and to the person that was about to speak and break the dream for good.

"Yes," he says and she realizes he isn't following the script, so she's being forced to improvise. "Especially now." He looks at her and she falls into his eyes unwillingly (but isn't that how it always goes?) and he has her. A smile is exchanged and for once, it feels genuine.

Turns out, he didn't pity her after all, and the guilt was all in her head.

2.  
Glee club is over and she's upset. What at first had just been an assignment to spy and sabotage had grown into the one thing that held her together. She's sitting next to him on the auditorium stage and singing sad words about writing letters across the sky for someone. She's only looking at him.

They're sitting so close together their hands intertwine between the small space separating them.

3.  
The last bell of the year rings and she's afraid. Afraid that whatever is happening between them is about to end for good. Everyone slowly files out of the room until it's only her. She closes her eyes for a moment, then she looks down at her lap. Her things are set there. Notebook on top. She opens the cover and sees the name 'Noah' scrawled on the first page countless times.

Sighing, she stands and starts for the door. Then, she sees him standing there, leaning against the frame, eyes and mouth smiling. At her.

(She kisses him like she means it).

4.  
He's leaving, and in that way, he's just like everyone else. They're sitting in his backyard on his mom's set of lawn chairs and he's telling her he's leaving. That's the only thing she hears, she doesn't hear why. She doesn't hear where. She just goes numb and stops feeling anything.

"..I'll be back by the beginning of the school year and.."

School. She doesn't know how she's going to face school in a month. Alone. Alone because he's not going to be with her and then there won't be anywhere for her to go. Not the Cheerios, not the glee club. Not anything because there isn't anything there for her because the only thing she wants is him.

"..find someone new, I'm no good..."

He looks at her and expects a response and she can't give him anything because there's nothing to feel. There isn't sadness, anger, or even false acceptance. There's nothing. Minutes go by, before he stands and starts away. She follows and embraces him from behind, burying her face in his neck.

"Don't go."

He does.

5.  
She writes him letters every day just after she wakes up. She writes saying how the previous day went; and in that respect, all of the letters were the same. She sealed them in an envelope and put them in a shoebox. She couldn't bring herself to send them.

The shoebox sits underneath her bed, untouched.

6.  
_"Is it true that you suffer from crippling depression because you're not over Ms. Fabray?"_

Quinn doesn't know why she's on this stupid gossip blog but when she sees a shot of him pop up, followed by the ever fateful question, she freezes. On screen, Puck looks similar to what she imagines she looks like right now. An answer isn't given and she shakes her head and looks at her hand.

She shuts the monitor off and wonders what his answer would have been.

7.  
She hates putting the Cheerios uniform back on, but she does it anyway. With nowhere else to go, she bears the red and white uniform, with it's too short skirt and tight fitting fabric that isn't very comfortable after Beth.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror before blinking and turning away into the hall.

8.  
She attacks Santana, overcome with rage. It isn't the fact that she's angry with Santana, to be specific. Quinn has a tough skin, she's long since learned that Santana has a rather... abrasive personality. She's built up something almost like an immune system to the brunette's words.

No, she's livid due to the fact that she doesn't have anything going for her and Santana was just there. Quinn is mad because she lost her daughter, she lost the love of her life. She lost her life. Someone's holding her back and she doesn't even care who, she just wants them to stop.

She wants to walk forward, but with every step in the right direction, the distance only seems to grow larger.

9.  
He gets arrested. He gets arrested and she doesn't even flinch. She only wonders, inwardly, to herself, if he's experiencing the same thing she is.

But no, that's a foolish and selfish thought. In the meantime, she sets her sights on the new blonde guy in glee club. Puck had left her with one last piece of advice.

_"Find someone new."_

Maybe it was time to.

10.  
She takes Sam getting slushied as a sign. She takes his hand and leads him to the bathroom and helps him clean up. It doesn't feel the same. Something isn't right and while she used to revel in imperfections, this is too much, even for her. But she wears a smile.

"_Lor menari_." Sam tells her and she gives him a strange look. "It means you have beautiful eyes."

She gives him a tiny smile and shrugs. While she appreciates the compliment, Sam isn't the person she wants to hear it from.

11.  
"So you are gay?" she asks, knowing full well the answer is yes.

"What? No. Not at all." he answers. She blinks a few times.

And it's fine. They can lie to each other all they want, but she knows that lying to herself isn't something she's particularly good at.

12.  
He comes back and won't look at her.

13.  
Kurt's leaving and she feels Sam tense up beside her and she turns to face him. His secret is displayed all over his face as he watches Kurt's retreating form. Then, Sam sees her staring at him and immediately flashes back to normal.

He's a lot like her, she understands him.

Her hand squeezes his gently. "It's okay." she whispers. "I get it."

14.  
Her and Sam sing at Sectionals. It's a duet and the rest of the club sings back up vocals and she's looking at Sam and thinking of him and she knows he's looking at her and thinking of Kurt. They had told each other previously.

As the song nears it's end, she dares to take a look back over her shoulder. For a moment, their eyes lock.

15.  
Her and Sam stage their break up perfectly. She kisses Finn and it all goes from there. She's lying if she says she isn't trying to make Puck jealous. But ever since he's been infatuated with Lauren (for whatever reason), she's wanted him, perhaps more than what was healthy, but not anymore than usual.

16.  
Prom queen. It's about all she has left. Her mom was a prom queen, and she has to do her best to carry on the Fabray legacy. She finds herself not even wanting it that much, but with Finn on her arm, it's a sure-fire win.

Finn, something else she finds herself not wanting much. He's nice and he treats her right. But he doesn't love her. She doesn't love him. It's more like a business agreement. They're only together for convenience. Finn kisses her neck from beside her.

She stares across the room.

17.  
Quinn wins prom queen and Sam wins prom king. She smiles at him sadly as he looks off into the crowd and she knows who he's staring at. With a sigh, she realizes that the crown upon her head is the exact opposite of what she wants. She looks at Sam and they exchange a smile and she can't help but feel a tiny bit of hope as she calls Kurt up to the stage and places the crown upon his head.

18.  
He finds her sitting outside on a bench. He takes a seat next to her and tells her that Lauren broke up with her. She gives a tiny laugh and says that she ended it with Finn, which is only a half lie, because it was a mutual agreement. She turns to him and properly looks at him for the first time in over a year.

"Why now?" she asks, and he shrugs.

"You looked lonely." he explains, and it's enough.

19.  
He's kissing her and things feel like normal again. They're sitting in her room on her bed, although she's determined not to make the same mistake as she did last time they were here. Although, now the roles are reversed. She's laying on top of him, listening to his heart beat and snuggling into his warmth as he wraps an arm around her back.

"I missed you. Did you miss me?" he asks, and she hears the vibrations of his voice in his chest, somehow. Her breath catches and she looks up at him and she feels as if his ability to read her mind never truly left.

"I never stopped."

20.  
It's summer. One year has passed and they're sitting in his backyard once again. This time, it's getting dark. The shoebox is in her hands. He's been looking at it strangely since she arrived earlier that evening. She only smiles coyly when he asks what's in it.

"What do I remind you of?" he asks as they watch the sun fall into the horizon. She smiles and looks to her left at him. She's not really sure what it is about him that's familiar, but it's something. Taking a deep breath, she passes him the shoebox. It lands in his lap at the same time as her lips land on his. They stay like that for a few moments before they break for air.

"You remind me of you." she explains, watching as he opens the box, and with it, her biggest secret.


End file.
